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相信有很多做父母的都有過當面談論孩子的經歷吧？當面談論孩子，或者在孩子可以聽見的情況下談論孩子，可能會傷害孩子的自尊。那么，應該如何正確的引導孩子呢？快來看看下面專家是怎么說的吧！
When at the dinner table recapping the workday or chatting with a friend as the kids play in the other room, we can easily forget that they hear everything. Sometimes, we don't remember until they repeat a tidbit they overheard us use on the phone the other day.
當我們和朋友在餐桌前回顧一天的工作或者閑聊時，如果孩子們在隔壁房間玩耍，那么我們很可能會忽略他們會聽見我們所說的一切這一事實。有時，我們甚至不記得我們曾經說過某些話，直到有一天他們會重復他們所聽見的、我們之前打電話時所說過的話。
As some families spend a lot more time together thanks to work-from-home opportunities and virtual schooling options, their time to have conversations without kids around is limited. Even if the kids are in the other room playing, it gives them much more time to hear chatter between adults. What is it doing to children's development and self-esteem when those conversations are about them — the good and the bad?
由于居家辦公和在線教育方案，許多家庭在一起的時間比之前更多了，而家人在孩子們不在場時進行對話的時間就就變少了。即使孩子是在其他房間玩耍，他們也會更有機會聽到成人之間的閑聊。那么，成人之間關于孩子的談話會對孩子的成長和自尊產生哪些影響-益處和壞處是什么？
By the age of 5, children have already developed self-esteem. This is when "they are likely to listen to what people say and form opinions based on their interactions with others," according to Sanam Hafeez, a New York City neuropsychologist who is the director of Comprehend the Mind.
到5歲時，孩子的自尊已經形成。根據Sanam Hafeez，紐約市神經心理學家、Comprehend the Mind主任介紹說，“孩子們在這個年齡段傾向于聽別人說并會根據自己與他人的互動形成觀念。”
Researchers have found that boys have more positive self-talk when their parents speak kindly with them; for girls, it is teachers who are thought to hold a bigger influence. Right now, however, many parents are acting as teachers because of widespread distance learning.
研究者們發現，當男孩的父母對他們有好的評價時，他們會有更加積極的自我暗示。對于女孩而言，教師的影響更大。現在，由于遠程學習越來越普遍，許多父母同時也承擔著教師的角色。
Self-talk：自我暗示
The words you use when talking about your child matter, and this is true even when you are talking about other people. Researchers have found that when children overhear your negative feelings about a group, they take on your thoughts and feelings.
當談論自己的孩子時，你所說的話很重要。即使是在談論其他人時，也是如此。研究人員發現，當孩子無意中聽到你對某群人的不滿情緒時，他們也會和你有一樣的想法和感受。
In other words, hearing you vent (especially about friends or family members) can have a negative impact on your children's development at a time where they are trying to manage other people's feelings in relation to their own.
換句話說，當聽到你憤怒的表述，特別是針對某些朋友或家人時，你的憤怒會對孩子的成長產生負面影響。成長中的孩子正在嘗試應對與自己情感上有關聯的其他人的情感。
"From our own work, we've found that children can develop biases towards groups of people that they've never met by merely overhearing someone on a phone call or video call make derogatory statements about those groups," Jonathan D. Lane, an assistant professor of psychology and human development at Vanderbilt University, told Insider. "It's a reasonable prediction that these effects would also emerge among children who overhear family at the dinner table making derogatory comments about other people."
“通過我們所做的研究，我們發現孩子們僅僅是在聽到有人在電話里或視頻電話中針對某些人群做出負面評價時就會對這些人群形成偏見，哪怕他們從來沒有接觸過這些人群，”Jonathan D. Lane，范德堡大學心理學和人類發展助教向Insider介紹到。“我們可以合理地預測到，當孩子們在餐桌前聽到家人針對另外一些人做出負面評價時，他們也會產生同樣的反應。”
What to remember when talking about kids
談論孩子時應該記住的要點
This doesn't mean you need to stop talking to friends and family members about children.
這不是說你不可以和朋友和家人談論孩子們。
According to Dr. Sara Huberman Carbone, a pediatric program medical director at One Medical, the key is to focus on talking about behaviors versus characteristics. By talking about positive things that kids can control, you can boost their self-esteem while allowing them to distinguish their own feelings.
根據Sara Huberman Carbone博士，One Medical兒科項目醫學主任的建議，談論孩子時應把重點放在孩子的具體行為而非品性上面。通過談論孩子可以掌控的積極做法，您可以提升孩子的自尊，同時還可以讓孩子們了解自己的感受。
Characteristics: 品性、品格。
When talking about negative behavior, Huberman Carbone recommends addressing it in real time, as afterward children have a hard time relating discussions to earlier events.
當談論孩子一些不好的行為時，Huberman Carbone建議，應該在第一時間提出，因為在不好的行為發生之后再提出時，孩子可能無法將談話與之前的事情聯系起來。
This doesn't mean that praising your child should be a free-for-all. Even when speaking positively about your child, you should watch the language you use.
這并不意味著可以放任夸獎自己的孩子。即使是在夸贊孩子時，您也應該注意自己的措辭。
"Saying, 'She's so smart,' can create an expectation that a child feels they have to live up to and can negatively affect confidence," Huberman Carbone said. "Instead, discussing your child's effort will encourage them to embrace challenges, learn, and explore new things. For example, saying, 'I can see you put a lot of time and thought into your project,' focuses on the work they have done and the effort they have put in."
“比如說，‘她真聰明’，這句話會形成一種期望，孩子認為他必須要達到這種期望，而這種期望會對孩子的自信心產生負面影響，”Huberman Carbone表示。“相反，說孩子很努力可以鼓勵孩子面對挑戰、學習以及探索未知的事物。比如說，‘我可以看到你在這次的作業中付出了很多時間和努力’，這樣表達關注的是他們所完成的任務和他們所付出的努力。”
來源：Insider 編輯&整理：譯銳翻譯